My Christmas Wish Is ....

To hear God's guidance in my ear,
To soar beyond this hemisphere,
To remain as humble as a child,
To grow spiritually exponentially,
and all the while
encompassing forgiveness in my heart,
To cherish others and do my part
in spreading love and cheer abound,
and to be the peace that I have found!

I chose me!

Today as I contemplate love, I realize that I've spent the majority of my life ignorant to the true essence and untainted definition of the word. However, now that I've given myself over to Christ I not only know what love is but I'm also cognizant of what love is not. I've been in denial for sometime now in regards to my "on and off again" relationship. I've loved the unlovable in hope that the love I've bestowed upon him over the years would one day be reciprocated. I've offered up my happiness as a sacrificial lamb to facilitate the notion that I should stay with him because my children need their father in their lives. I've really struggled with letting go because I figured that if I love him so much he must love me too, Right? So I began to examine the love of Christ. Because if Jesus is Love, he must also be the standard by which "Love" is measured. So I asked myself, "How do I know Jesus loves me? I know Jesus loves me because he announces it in the Bible and his actions, his ultimate sacrifice on Calvary, speaks much louder than any of the words he's ever spoken. Therefore, love is more than simply stating the words, it is "Action."

Now I've arrived at the difficult stage of my analysis. Does this man whom I've given so many years of my life, love me? What does his actions reveal? He buys me expensive gifts, but he has the tendency to turn his back on me just when I need him the most. Jesus would never do that, so is that love? He says that my feelings are important to him, but he yells, screams, and resorts to name calling whenever my actions aren't in alignment with what he thinks I should do. Jesus would never do that, so is that love? He vilifies all that I am, criticizes all that I do, and ridicules all that I am to become, and when it is all said and done he says, "I love you!" Is that love?

I don't know about anyone else but that doesn't sound, look, or feel like love to me. So now I'm faced with a critical decision to make. Do I stay in a place that steals my joy for the sake of my children or do I put my happiness first? During my final analysis this scriptural reference began to play in my head, "Jesus came so that you may have life and have it more abundantly, Jesus came so that you may have life and have it more abundantly, Jesus came so that you may have life and have it more abundantly,.........." After an introspective skim over what I want for my life, I've decided to step out on faith and chose me; my joy, my dignity, my peace.

Jesus has shown me all that true love is . It is up to me to accept all that Christ has to offer in love or to settle for the crumbs that are dispersed by the enemy. I have to learn to adhere to the famous words of Maya Angelou, "If someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM!" I can't decide whether or not I didn't believe him or if I just didn't believe that I deserved better. After experiencing real love, I now want to speak it, live it , embrace it, share it, and be it. I spent the majority of my life settling for less than I deserve but now that I've experienced the abundance of love offered by Jesus Christ it is simply unacceptable to go back to crumbs! Tomorrow isn't promised to me so this very moment is all that I have and I plan to live it to its fullest. At this moment I chose to live a life of peace and joy. Today I chose Jesus, I chose love, I chose life, I chose abundance, I chose ME!

I made it through another semester of school

I am just sitting here thinking about how tough this past semester was for me. I lost my babysitter the first week of classes, my vehicle was in the shop, I couldn't afford to purchase all of my books, but as always I made it through. God blessed me with a babysitter better than the one I had before, Don paid for my vehicle repairs, and a classmate of mine was kind enough to copy the entire chapters assigned to us in the books I wasn't able to purchase.

This semester was a tremendous amount of work compiled with an upheaval of personal responsibilities to tackle. I cried, I laughed, I prayed, and sometimes all in the same day. There were days when I honestly just wanted to give up. I found myself focusing on how difficult the semester was so often, I forgot to celebrate my accomplishments. Today I just want to thank God for giving me the strength to move forward when I didn't think I could. I just want to say Thanks to Otis, Violet, Don, Karen, Okai, The Murchinsons, Sue and everyone else that allowed God to use you as a blessing to help me get through.

I also had to check myself because once I made it through the semester I complained about getting a 3.0 instead of the 3.8 that I'm accustomed to. I couldn't see how much of a blessing it was to just make it through the semester. My vision is much clearer now and I see that all of my worrying was for nothing. Although, I couldn't see it at the time God had already resolved my problems before I even knew they existed. He knew what I needed before the need presented itself and made the provisions accordingly!

Counting my blessings

Today I am blessed to have my six wonderful children Jamillah, Mydrisha, Aliyah, Bryce, Kyla, and Jada. I thank God for their health, incredible personalities, and all of their hugs and kisses.