Today as I contemplate love, I realize that I've spent the majority of my life ignorant to the true essence and untainted definition of the word. However, now that I've given myself over to Christ I not only know what love is but I'm also cognizant of what love is not. I've been in denial for sometime now in regards to my "on and off again" relationship. I've loved the unlovable in hope that the love I've bestowed upon him over the years would one day be reciprocated. I've offered up my happiness as a sacrificial lamb to facilitate the notion that I should stay with him because my children need their father in their lives. I've really struggled with letting go because I figured that if I love him so much he must love me too, Right? So I began to examine the love of Christ. Because if Jesus is Love, he must also be the standard by which "Love" is measured. So I asked myself, "How do I know Jesus loves me? I know Jesus loves me because he announces it in the Bible and his actions, his ultimate sacrifice on Calvary, speaks much louder than any of the words he's ever spoken. Therefore, love is more than simply stating the words, it is "Action."
Now I've arrived at the difficult stage of my analysis. Does this man whom I've given so many years of my life, love me? What does his actions reveal? He buys me expensive gifts, but he has the tendency to turn his back on me just when I need him the most. Jesus would never do that, so is that love? He says that my feelings are important to him, but he yells, screams, and resorts to name calling whenever my actions aren't in alignment with what he thinks I should do. Jesus would never do that, so is that love? He vilifies all that I am, criticizes all that I do, and ridicules all that I am to become, and when it is all said and done he says, "I love you!" Is that love?
I don't know about anyone else but that doesn't sound, look, or feel like love to me. So now I'm faced with a critical decision to make. Do I stay in a place that steals my joy for the sake of my children or do I put my happiness first? During my final analysis this scriptural reference began to play in my head, "Jesus came so that you may have life and have it more abundantly, Jesus came so that you may have life and have it more abundantly, Jesus came so that you may have life and have it more abundantly,.........." After an introspective skim over what I want for my life, I've decided to step out on faith and chose me; my joy, my dignity, my peace.
Jesus has shown me all that true love is . It is up to me to accept all that Christ has to offer in love or to settle for the crumbs that are dispersed by the enemy. I have to learn to adhere to the famous words of Maya Angelou, "If someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM!" I can't decide whether or not I didn't believe him or if I just didn't believe that I deserved better. After experiencing real love, I now want to speak it, live it , embrace it, share it, and be it. I spent the majority of my life settling for less than I deserve but now that I've experienced the abundance of love offered by Jesus Christ it is simply unacceptable to go back to crumbs! Tomorrow isn't promised to me so this very moment is all that I have and I plan to live it to its fullest. At this moment I chose to live a life of peace and joy. Today I chose Jesus, I chose love, I chose life, I chose abundance, I chose ME!
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5 comments:
WoW!! very inspirational post. I'm so glad you chose Jesus, life and you.
Gem,
You are a blessed woman, keep on doing what you do. "Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall."
Psalm 55:22
Thanks for the blog comment. I stopped by to read yours. You are very busy. In my blog I've written alot about my lack of religious beliefs, I am wondering if you would share with me how yours got to be so strong. I find religion fascinating and love hearing of what guides others faith.
Thank you for sharing. I hope I did not offend you. I really am interested. I guess where my issue lies is what makes the Bible more believable than any other book? I search daily for meaning in my life and something to believe in, but I never find enough to make me commit to a religion. Please don't misunderstand, I do believe in a higher power, I am just not sure what it is.
theanseris,
I use to read the Bible and I didn't understand what I was reading. I also wondered about it's credibility. Once I accepted Christ into my life the words began to speak into my spirit and I could feel that it was the truth. I've never committed to a religion, my commitment is to Christ. It is written that he provides a peace that surpasses all understanding. I have been dead broke, with my car broken down, relationship in shambles, sick as a dog, children acting up, but in those times I was at peace because God promised a rainbow after the storm. That rainbow always appears as promised. Therefore I know that his word is true. All I can tell you is to read and ask for understanding. As far as why should you believe the Bible is true. My quesion is, "Why shouldn't you?"
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